Monday, October 19, 2009

Spanking somebody's child

I have a friend S, who stayed with her in-laws consisting of one old grandmother, parent in laws, 1 younger brother in law and 2 younger sister in laws. She get along very well with her in-laws but not until recently when her toddler son was spank by the youngest SIL. The boy is only 3 years old. S agreed that her son is sometimes very stubborn and mischevious, but as a mother, her thought was 'That is what a toddler is' It is NORMAL to be naughty. NORMAL to be active. NORMAL to make everyone's blood boil!

She even went online website to read about a 3 years old's behaviour to understand more and to compare with her son's behaviour. Her findings was, it is NATURAL for her son to react like that.

That very night while she was feeding her son dinner, it turns out to be sour because the boy got a little cranky and whinning for his story book. S firmly said "If you finished up your dinner, mummy will read that storybook to you". As a stubborn toddler, he just could not digest that sentence and go against his mother. Still whinning, S tried to stay CALM and avoid hitting her son.

Out of no where, this youngest SIL came and hit the boy's arm REAL HARD! S was stunned! The boy, of course cried. It adds to her misery when the youngest SIL shouted at the boy asking him to keep quiet. Can you imagine such situation? The mother was trying to stay calm throughtout the feeding battle and trying her best, as a mother to make the feeding enjoyable but was interrupted by this scene.

Not the end yet. While the boy was still crying, the youngest SIL wanted to show her 'best discipline skills' and drag the boy outside of the house and closed the door! That of course lead the boy to cry even louder! The toddler does not even understand why he was being chased out of the house and he cried because he was afraid. S was so helpless and does not want to go against her SIL because she does not want to have a sour relationship with someone she has to stay with under one roof for the rest of her life (unless that SIL married out).

Still staying calm, S went out to carry her crying toddler son in and straight went to the bedroom, and cried. By the way, all the other family members were not around at that time. Only the youngest SIL, S and the boy at home.

S went out for tea with me the other weekend and was asking me for some advise on such situation because I was also staying with my in - laws and have a 3 year old (stubborn and mischevious) toddler just like her. Can't a mother who was learning to understand her toddler's behaviour be given a chance to improve their mother and child bonding rather than to be interfered with the harsh discipline act? WHY DO SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO SPANK OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILD ?

11 comments:

  1. I wouldnt never want anyone to interfere with me teaching my kids. Yeap, it is a bit of dilemma to stay with someone that you have grudge on. :p

    My 3 years old girl is also naughty and rebellious sometimes, but like you said, it is normal. And some more with arrival of her baby brother, she is even more naughty. She has always been the only one and princess in our house, now has to share with her brother. But luckily she is fine with her brother, but once a while, she is jealous. Normal behaviour.

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  2. I wonder what will the SIL will do when she have kids and somebody spank the kid infront of her.

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  3. i also dare not... help to reprimand got la.. that also applies to my own sisters' kids only.. not to the extend of spanking or pulling the kid outside...that is too much..

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  4. I will never do that in front of the mother! If I'm helping to babysit and the mother is not around, maybe I'll just shout at him to lepas geram, that's all. The SIL is not married is it? Maybe that explains why she has zero tolerance level in dealing with cranky kids...

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  5. Yes, I agree with Smallkucing, and I'm not finding excuses for that SIL, but perhaps the SIL does not have her own kid yet, probably that's why she can't understand or can't even see the emotional consequences of her own actions towards the mother and the child....although she has good intentions. And yes, I understand perfectly how the lines as to who, what and how a child should be brought up can be easily treaded on when living with extended family members. It's either we as parents are not agreeable with the extended family member as to how the child should be taught or it can be the other way round. As for me, my in-laws think I'm too harsh in disciplining my son but I also think they are giving him too much face and shielding him from realities of life. Several quarrels have happened before between my hubby and I vs. his parents (where bringing up my toddler is concerned) and all the while I managed to make up with them, but in the most recent hoo-ha, my MIL and I are not in talking terms already, yet still staying in the same house! I'll just tahan first for the sake of my toddler boy until he has reached the maturity whereby he is able to drink milk by himself and at anywhere (currently he only accepts drinking milk at the babysitter's house which is few houses away from my MIL's), then only we will shift out! I'm also of the same stand as Rose that I do not like others to interfere with how I wish to bring up my child.

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  6. oh.. sometimes one has yet to become mother, one will not understand what a mother's job to be.. but for me, I will not want to interfere in how someone bring up their kids, provided it's like my big buffalo cousins!

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  7. I think it is not right to spank some other people kids. Many people expecially those who have yet to have kids cannot understand a toddler behavior.

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  8. Rose ~ Excatly. As a mother myself, I don't like others to interfere the way how I bought up my kid. I also won't go and kepoh on others parenting skills and style!

    smallkucing ~ Before one becomes a mother, one will not understand the motherhood journey......

    claire ~ wah...so fierce arr! heheh...dun make the kids cry la...

    chloe ~ wah...if the mother not around, u can bully the child arr??? hahaha....kids nowadays very clever le...they will complaint!

    Alice ~ Oh dear ! Hope everything will be fine at your side soon. No point having a cold war.

    Cynthia ~ I will also not interfere with how people brought up their kids. Having my own already gave me a huge headache!

    Pete ~ Only parents understand their kids best!

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  9. I think it is not right to spank some other people kids. Many people expecially those who have yet to have kids cannot understand a toddler behavior.

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  10. Yes, I agree with Smallkucing, and I'm not finding excuses for that SIL, but perhaps the SIL does not have her own kid yet, probably that's why she can't understand or can't even see the emotional consequences of her own actions towards the mother and the child....although she has good intentions. And yes, I understand perfectly how the lines as to who, what and how a child should be brought up can be easily treaded on when living with extended family members. It's either we as parents are not agreeable with the extended family member as to how the child should be taught or it can be the other way round. As for me, my in-laws think I'm too harsh in disciplining my son but I also think they are giving him too much face and shielding him from realities of life. Several quarrels have happened before between my hubby and I vs. his parents (where bringing up my toddler is concerned) and all the while I managed to make up with them, but in the most recent hoo-ha, my MIL and I are not in talking terms already, yet still staying in the same house! I'll just tahan first for the sake of my toddler boy until he has reached the maturity whereby he is able to drink milk by himself and at anywhere (currently he only accepts drinking milk at the babysitter's house which is few houses away from my MIL's), then only we will shift out! I'm also of the same stand as Rose that I do not like others to interfere with how I wish to bring up my child.

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  11. I wouldnt never want anyone to interfere with me teaching my kids. Yeap, it is a bit of dilemma to stay with someone that you have grudge on. :p

    My 3 years old girl is also naughty and rebellious sometimes, but like you said, it is normal. And some more with arrival of her baby brother, she is even more naughty. She has always been the only one and princess in our house, now has to share with her brother. But luckily she is fine with her brother, but once a while, she is jealous. Normal behaviour.

    ReplyDelete

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